This entire concept of 'living together before marriage' has been playing quite a bit of havoc inside my head. As much as I understand that we are no longer living in the V!ctor!an age, I am still having a lot of trouble getting my mind to accept the fact I had actually agreed to this entire thing... not because I was comfortable with the idea, but rather because I felt that I was cornered into a situation where I didn't really had much of a choice there.
Granted that Pony never did twist my arms outright, but the underlying message behind our conversation then wasn't something that I felt that I wanted to risk either.
Really at the end of the day, I didn't feel comfortable with either one of the decisions that I had to made. So I went for the least uncomfortable one: to move in with Pony
Yet now that the date looms closer, and that we've actually found a place.... the reality of me actually really moving in less than a fortnight has finally kicked in! I find myself having to curb my anxieties, my concerns over all the issues that I can see us facing for the next couple of months: being in each other's space, the fact that we're moving further away from the city (damn it, I'm a city girl!!!) to a house that I didn't even had an inspection on; to a house with freaking carpet instead of polished floor boards, the extra distance, time and fuel that I'll have to factor into my daily commuting to work; that I'll be isolated from my friends simply because I live so far out of the city now; that I'll live in a place that has nothing, no night life, no shops, no nothing!!! That I'll end up being home at 7pm instead of 6pm. That I wouldn't be able to get home from work, change and get dressed for a function that starts at 7pm; and so so much more.
The more I think about this, the more I'm dreading it. Furthermore, if all this falls through between the both of us, I will have to move out and not be able to find another place as cheap, nor as decent a place as the one that I have now.
It doesn't help that I don't have the extra cash to keep my current place nor be able to sub-let it out either. Which means I've backed myself into a corner with not a single backup plan.
I think I can feel a panic attack coming.
If anyone's still reading... - Monday, Oct. 13, 2008
Questions - Wednesday, Jul. 02, 2008
2.5 weeks ago - Thursday, Mar. 20, 2008
B..b...birthday! - Monday, Mar. 10, 2008
To make or to break? - Sunday, Mar. 02, 2008