Au revoir mon AC
Written @ 23:36 on Friday, Nov. 23, 2012
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Dearest AC,

Almost a year to today, I've been told to write a letter to you, to tell you all that I've ever wanted to tell you... yet when I sat down to pen it all down back then, I found myself having nothing to say.

Even today, I still have nothing to say.

Back then, I was overwhelmed by my own combination of guilt and confusion. I didn't know if the feelings that I had was a result of unresolved residue feelings that I perhaps still had for you or simply just plain ole grief talking.

I had told myself that I would give myself a full year, and perhaps then I would know and have given myself ample time to tell you the things that I want to say. Apparently, I still don't have anything to say.

Perhaps the reason I have nothing to say is because it would truly be the day where I say my goodbyes to you... and I don't know if I ever can.

Loving you has been the greatest and the hardest thing I had to do. To hold onto that love that I had for you... some days I felt like the greatest fool on earth and yet I still clung onto that miniscule amount of hope, that one day, one day we would be together.

Ours was an epic love story.... one that was only kept alive by me, even if the love that was there had been real. And I knew it only too well.

Today I am in another love story. I don't know if it will end up being as epic as the one that I'd always hoped to have come true.... but the difference this time is that the love story that I am in lives not only in me, but also in the other.

It is one where it is being kept alive by two persons, two who are willing to make it work, to keep at it, to ensure that it never dies.

Perhaps it will never be as epic as the one about us, but it is real, it is true. And as always, I choose to live in the real, in the true... no matter how much hurt it may cause me.

I think today will be the day where I say my goodbyes to you for good. The day where I release you from my heart for good, forever. If I don't do it now, I don't think I ever will.

Today, I remember how much I'd loved you in spite of it all. Today, I remind myself that I am glad to have loved you as much as I did. For that I thank you.

Thank you for letting me know how far and how deep I am capable of loving someone. Thank you for loving me, even though I needed you to love me a lot more than what you were able to give me.

Thank you for reminding me to never lose sight of who is important in my life.


As always,
lots of luv, hugs and kisses,
A.

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Missed any??

How many seasons have it been? - Saturday, May. 29, 2021
Au revoir mon AC - Friday, Nov. 23, 2012
Gifts From The Past - Friday, Sept. 28, 2012
The one with the moustach - Wednesday, Aug. 08, 2012
There are no words left - Friday, Dec. 09, 2011

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